I’m a thinking part and I am the author of this blog. For the longest time I thought I was Matt, and that all of Matt’s problems, fears and erratic behavior were mine to curb, explain and resolve.

Intellects are explaining events after the fact. Filling in a narrative. Most decisions are made emotionally, and then rationalized. The modern intellectual part is very overworked, like a lawyer for an erratic client, running after him defending, explaining and rationalizing his behaviors and trying to patch up the damage.

Connection is what we all yearn for most deeply, and connection is our future.

Connection is nature’s way. Connection is a mother’s way.

Connection is resonance.

You are meant to connect inside and feel a deeper inner unity and peace. Inner connection is prior to outer connection.

We are going through an Altruism Revolution and humans are waking up to the reality that we are all part of one life force permeating our planet. We must take care of everyone for our selves. And we must take care of our selves for everyone.

Needs and boundaries are supposed to evolve, because you are supposed to evolve.

We don’t choose our boundaries, or “learn how to set boundaries.” Rather, our parts already have boundaries and if we aren’t aware of them or asserting them it’s because other parts are blocking that knowledge or action.

A codependent or independent life is a tragedy, a life half lived. Both require immense suppression and are very unhealthy. Give all that you can cheerfully and take all that you need where it’s cheerfully given, and live in a constellation of healthy interdependent relationships.

Parent used to be my least favorite words. The word and it’s synonyms would activate a shutter through my body and waves of guilt, shame and a sense of abandonment.

When we rewrite history to get along with our families, we exile the part of us who paid the price back then, and we will continue to act out it’s pain unconsciously and reperpetrate it’s history on those around us including our own kids if we don’t reunite with it and integrate it.

Spanking is a mechanism by which generational shame - a sense of innate worthlessness - is transferred in families.

For many of us out of control spanking started when we were very young, trapping some of our most innocent and playful energy way back there. This is energy you need today in order to revitalize your life, learn to connect with others and live playfully and free, without heaviness, depression and the need to be numb.

If you’re a man in your 40s, you were likely raised in a world where feelings didn’t exist and that completely changed in your lifetime.

Now being highly in touch with your own feelings and those of others is a pre-requisite to nearly all relationships, especially with your kids and romantic partner.

Your expertise is in minimizing, avoiding and numbing out feelings. You are happy to teach them how to do this but instead you find yourself ghosted, blocked and alone.

The parts of you behind those walls carry your purest energy, your reckless love and carefree childlike spirit. It may be relationships with others that motivates you to start this work, but it will be the emerging relationships within yourself that will inspire you to finish it.

I’m most grateful to IFS for reconnecting with my abandoned childhood parts. I’ve had some very trippy experiences, for instance snapping back into childhood scenes where I suddenly became 7 years old in a traumatic moment that I hadn’t thought about in many decades. I don’t mean I saw the scene, I mean that I was him, looking out his eyes, as a 7 year old, feeling the terror and shame and right back there in the scene that I dissociated out of 35 years earlier. Somehow while I was that little guy I was also my present day self and able to offer him the connection, care and protection I needed back then and take him out of those scenes and into my arms.